My Roses...

My family bought me roses for my AE graduation. I love receiving flowers and I try to always get pictures of my flowers before they die so that I can always remember them. If you want to make me happy... just bring me flowers. It really doesn't matter what kind because I love them all! But my favorite flower is the red rose. 

Something about this flower just makes my heart go pitter patter and I get happy at the sight of them. True, all flowers will make me happy but only the rich red color of the gorgeous rose will make my heart go pitter patter.

So you can imagine my excitement with the roses my family bought me. Three perfect red roses were handed to me after my AE graduation ceremony was complete. I loved them when I got them and I admired them all the way home that evening. As soon as I got home I cut the stems smaller and put them in a jar as fast as I could because they were getting droopy and I did not want them to die before I could get some good pictures of them

Unfortunately, one rose did not revive itself like the other two did and continued to droop and shrivel up. I kept it in the jar with the other two flowers because I thought of a song that I had heard recently about a rose and I had a great idea to put the lyrics with the pictures. Because it's late and I don't want to go searching for the title or the lyrics you will just have to bear with me until I get the project finished.

The song goes something like this: 

"...like a rose trampled on the ground, 

He took the cross 

And thought of me above all."

So, eventually I will have to find the lyrics to the song and finish the project. But this post is not about my project with my rose pictures. (By the way... the roses are all gone now but I have some amazing pictures that you are currently previewing right now!) This blog post is to tell y'all about a situation God is bringing me through right now and the pictures of my roses is God's awesome way of explaining the situation to me and speaking through my pictures to show me His message in a way that I would understand.

So here it goes. Something happened today that was very hard for me to deal with. Basically, my dream was crushed, smashed, ripped apart, shredded, torn to pieces, never-going-to-happen-there-just-ain't-no-way completely and utterly destroyed! Ok, so I'm being a little dramatic but the fact of the matter is that the fulfillment of my dream was within my grasp and I had to watch helplessly as it was snatched away, withered and died.

My dream was like a rose. The most beautiful roses that you ever saw and it was the most gorgeous color red in the whole world. The petals were smooth as velvet and there was absolutely no flaw and even if there was, I refused to look at it. This was perfect and it was amazing and it was possibly going to happen. Maybe, just maybe, my dream was going to come true. I prayed hard and I planned hard and I began to imagine what my life would be like as I lived out this dream. It was everything I wanted, everything I hoped for. 

But then... it didn't happen. It was like watching my rose wither up and die. It felt like someone had just stomped on my rose and tore it to pieces. It was as if someone had just ripped the petals off of my rose and thrown them on the ground. This couldn't be happening. God, please, no. Not to my precious flower.  

But that was it. My flower was gone and there was nothing I could do. Why, God? Why would You place this desire in my heart and not let it get fulfilled? Why would you open a door for me and then slam it in my face as I go to walk through? I don't understand God. I'm hurt and confused. My heart is broken and so is my dream. I was so happy it felt like I was soaring like a bird not long ago only to find myself crashed into the ground, dazed and discouraged. What are You doing?

Kristin. My dear, darling daughter Kristin. It's ok to be discouraged. It's alright to get upset. Go ahead and cry. It's alright. I know you must be frustrated. I know it may seem like I am making your life miserable yet again, like a slammed a door in your face that you had thought I opened and crushed I dream you knew I placed there in your heart.

You know that I will never do anything to harm you, my plans for you are to prosper you and to give you a hope and a future. Sometimes those plans involve things that may not seem pleasant. The plans I have for you involve hurt and pain so that I may better work through you in the lives of others. But I have never caused you more hurt or pain than that was necessary and, although you may not believe this now, it hurt me more to do that to you because I love you and I do not want to see you suffer.

You must ask yourself this question, Kristin. Am I big enough to fulfill your dream? Am I big enough to put your rose back together? Can you trust me to complete your stained-glass window?

God, the petals are so scattered right now, the pieces are shattered, the dream has crumbled right before my eyes. How could You put that back together? I have doubts and fears. I am scared of what will happen to my dream if I give You the pieces. I mean, it was Yours to begin with and now look what happened. What promise do I have that You won't make it worse? How do I know you won't completely obliterate every last piece? At least I have something to remember what I hoped and dreamed for but now You're asking for that too!? 

Look at it, God. It's ruined. You ruined it. Now You're asking me to give my poor rotten rose to You because You want to give me something "better?" I don't think You understand what You're asking. But then again... maybe You do or You wouldn't have asked me.

It really hurts You to watch me suffer the pain You've given me? It hurts You to see me cry over disappointments that You've caused me? I'll admit that it's hard to believe but... it's strangely comforting as well. Sometimes it seems like You don't care and You don't listen but when I really stop to think about those hurtful situations I find that You were there... the entire time. Carrying me. Holding me. Loving me. 

Yes, Kristin. I promised to never leave you or forsake you and I never have. You are not alone and you will never be alone. Seek and you will find Me. Ask, and I will give you an answer but maybe not in the time frame you may want.

Give Me your withered rose, Kristin. Give Me your broken dream. I will show you My power and I will show Myself strong in your life, once more. Are you willing? You must be willing, Kristin.

God, I want my withered rose. I want it SO badly. I know it's withered. I know it's dying. But before it withered it was so pretty and it looked amazing. That was my dream and it's hard to give it up.  

God, I'm willing. It's hard. It hurts. But take it. Take my rose. Take my dream. Take my life. Take everything! I choose to give it all to You no matter what happens. I know You have only my best interests at heart and I know You have something better for me. 

Trust My promises, Kristin. What I have said, I WILL do. Believe in Me, trust in Me, for I am your God. 

Never forget in the darkness what I have shown you in the light.