Saturday, May 30, 2009

LIVE INSIDE OUT!!

I never used to think much about styrofoam cups. They were disposable cups that you used when it was more convenient than having real cups. Because styrofoam is soft, unlike plastic, I usually noticed that people would often leave the impressions of their teeth on the rim, especially little children. Other than that, though, a styrofoam cup was, well, just that, a styrofoam cup.

            But one day I noticed a friend of mine flip her styrofoam cup inside out. “Whoa!” I exclaimed, “How did you do that!?” From that point on, my thoughts towards styrofoam cups would be forever changed. I had to know how to flip a styrofoam cup inside out and I was determined to learn.

            Well, unfortunately, it was not as easy as it looked. You start from the bottom and slowly press the bottom into the cup. If you press too hard, though, the bottom may tear or the sides of the cup will rip as you bend it down inside itself. This was proving to be more difficult than I thought and I ripped almost every cup I could get my hands on, turning it into a mangled mess.

            Styrofoam is a little softer after you have had water in it for a little while and it is much easier to work with if you are trying to flip the cup inside out. So I drank my water slowly during meals and let the water sit inside as much as possible. Then I started to work on it. Pressing the bottom of the cup in slowly and evenly all around.

            Finally, success! I had flipped a styrofoam cup inside out without tearing it or mangling it to pieces. I enjoyed my new found skill and worked on it, tearing and mangling a few more cups before finally getting to the point where I could flip almost all of the cups I got my hands on. But, after a while, I moved on and busied myself with things that were more important than flipping styrofoam cups inside out after I used them.

            One day, though, I was struggling with who I was, how God made me and what I was here for. I felt ugly, stupid, worthless, etcetera, etcetera. So I asked God how He saw me and His answer was shocking. “Go get a styrofoam cup.” God told me. How in the world was a styrofoam cup supposed to answer my questions? But I obeyed anyway and went to go find a styrofoam cup.

            All of a sudden, God shared His plan with me. I was stunned at first but then I got very, very excited and went to go borrow several different colored sharpies to start. This was going to be so cool!

            I started to write on the cup all of the words I had used to describe myself, the way I thought about myself, and the way I felt. In big, red letters I wrote “failure” across the side and covered the rest of the cup with other words like dumb and immature, whiny, unloved and weak. The outside of the cup was covered with so many negative words and feelings and I was on the verge of tears remembering the many hurtful instances when I felt this way or began to think of myself like that.

            Then, I carefully flipped the cup inside out and began to cover that side in words too. But these words were very different than the words that were on the other side. The words I wrote this time were the words God used to describe me, the way He saw me. Words like beautiful, powerful, confident, loved and smart.

            I shook my head slowly as I continued writing all over the cup. I did not believe all of the words that I was writing down but I knew what God was telling me and I knew that, with Christ, all things were possible and that He would help my unbelief. This was the way that God saw me and who was I to argue with the One who made me?

            Finally, the cup was finished. What had used to be the inside of the cup and was now the outside, I had written in big, bold, colorful letters “LIVE INSIDE OUT!!” I stared at that that statement and the words surrounding it. Then I looked inside it at the bitter, hateful words before looking at the statement again. My thoughts and feelings about myself were drastically different than the thoughts and feelings God had about me.

            So, from then on, I decided that I needed to live inside out. Not literally, of course, but by keeping my focus on what God thought about me and not on what I thought. I would live in the truth of what God had told me and not by the lies that I had believed for so long. My lies had been covered by the truth of what God had said just like the words written on the outside of the cup had been hidden after it was flipped inside out.

            I still fall back into believing my old lies sometimes but it is never for very long. I know the truth of God’s word and I know what He said me that day with my styrofoam cup. I am not held in bondage by a flawed belief system anymore and I will no longer live crippled by my lies. Instead, I will live my life the way Christ has called me to live. I will live inside out.


NOTE: This is my last required post for Advanced EXCEL and will probably be my last post on this blog for a while. But I have plans to continue posting on this blog and sharing stories and pictures of my life just like I have been now. There just won't be any set day or deadline from now on! Definitely expect to see a post sometime in the next couple of weeks with the title of "Graduation!" :-) Until then, Live Inside Out!!

1 comment:

  1. I love your post Kristin! Thanks for sharing.

    Love you!
    Lisa

    ReplyDelete